Surging Santorum

So I was waiting for a call to start last night where there were about 6-7 people on the conference call while we waited 30 minutes for the last attendee to join in. While surfing the news, I was a bit appalled by all the articles about Rick Santorum so I visited his website, mainly to send him an email discussing my distaste for his American Taliban-esque stance on social issues.

To my surprise, the website allowed me to sign up to "volunteer" to call potential primary voters. This was after I sent my email to him where we "disagreed" on the issues. The web manager for inbound emails apparently does not talk to the web manager for volunteers.

Anyhoo, I received login credentials to the dialer database. Rather than get in trouble for making harassing calls, I'm just going to post the script they wanted me to use. Then I will post my version of the script I would use.

Hi, is [Name of potential Rick Santorum supporter/mental patient] available? Hi my name is Gorrck Reinheitsgebot and I am calling for Rick Santorum who is running in the Republican primary here in Arizona next Tuesday, February 28th.

Can Rick count on your support? (answer the question at the end)

YES - With his wins in Missouri, Minnesota and Colorado, Rick Santorum has the chance to unify conservatives behind a strong candidate who will beat Barack Obama. Your vote could be the one that makes the difference for Rick.

If you want to help Rick even further, we can send you a sign for your yard, or even make you a special primary captain to help with our efforts to get your friends to vote for Rick Santorum.

Would you be interested in a sign or being a primary captain?

Thank you,

This call was paid for by Rick Santorum for President.

UNDECIDED - We have a clear choice between Rick Santorum and Mitt Romney. Rick Santorum is a principled conservative whose family values, deep faith and personal commitment to life and liberty have defined his career as a husband, father and public servant.

Unfortunately, Mitt Romney has spent millions on attack ads to hurt conservatives. Frankly, changing the subject and attacking conservatives is Mitt Romney’s only chance – he’s hoping you ignore the fact that he supported the Wall Street bailouts, the Obama-style individual healthcare mandate, and job-killing cap and trade.

Rick Santorum is the only candidate who can unite the Republican Party and defeat the liberal Barack Obama this fall.

Can Rick count on your support? (answer question at the end)

YES - With his wins in Missouri, Minnesota and Colorado, Rick Santorum has the chance to unify conservatives behind a strong candidate who will beat Barack Obama. You vote could be the one that makes the difference for Rick.

If you want to help Rick even further, we can send you a sign for your yard, or even make you a special primary captain to help with our efforts to get your friends to vote for Rick Santorum.

Would you be interested in a sign or being a primary captain?

Thank you,

This call was paid for by Rick Santorum for President.

NO - We hope you reconsider. Rick is the best-qualified candidate to defeat Barack Obama. I encourage you to visit www.ricksantorum.com to find out more information.

This call was paid for by Rick Santorum for President

Can Rick Count on your support? (ANSWER HERE)

VOICEMAIL: Hello, my name is Gorrck Reinheitsgebot. I'm calling Arizona voters on behalf of Rick Santorum for President. We need a proven leader with strong conservative values who will put an end to the out of control spending and bring the American voice back to Washington! That candidate is Rick Santorum. Please visit www.RickSantorum.com to learn more or to get involved as I have in taking back the country. Thank you! This call was paid for by Rick Santorum for President.

Aaaaand this is why I cannot call any of the people in the web dialer application...

Hi, may I speak to [name]? Apparently Rick Santorum thinks you, (yes you!) are worthy of receiving his salvation by voting for him in next Tuesday's Arizona Primary. As you know Rick Santorum is finally starting to overcome that horrible liberal prank where he shares the same name as a frothy mix of lube and fecal matter. Santorum is surging across Arizona! You can do your part next Tuesday!

(Pause for effect)

What? You don't know about the search result when you enter Santorum in your Google search? Do you use Bing? Really? No, AOL? That makes sense. I don't know if it works on AOL. Try it on Google.

(If male answers, continue here, if female answers, continue after section for males).

Since you are a man, you know that Rick Santorum is the strong candidate for men to make sure women are kept in their place. What right do they have to make decisions about *THEIR* body? That's right, they don't if it angers Rick's view of religion. And we like it that way! Hahah, aspirin as birth control. That's rich, and the guy who said it is richer. Thanks to him and his donations to the SuperPAC we have the funds to make these calls! Thanks Foster Freiss!

We don't want that Kenyan usurper to tax Mr. Frosty Freeze -- he's a job creator and a damn fine model of modern Conservatism! Say no to women's rights and say no to socialism (as defined by us!)

(for women)

Really? You support Rick Santorum after his public policy stands that basically are an affront to women and women's rights? Ok, I guess your vote equals a second vote cast by your husband. I weep for the future of this country.

(for all)

Mitt Romney is a robot. There, I said it. Try finding emotion in that man. Your dog wouldn't vote for Romney. Rick Santorum is *THE* best chance for a solid conservative voice in Washington. Rick Santorum is the only choice to lead this nation proudly into the 12th century! [not a typo]

Rick Santorum is not afraid to cry. His tears nourish Chuck Norris. Rick Santorum is not afraid to make choices for his own family that he won't allow you to make for yours.

Can I count on you to support Rick Santorum next Tuesday? Can I have your social security number and your mother's maiden name? Why not? You're considering voting for Santorum, so I figured you might give out that info too. My bad.

See you next Tuesday in Arizona for a Santorum surge!

This call was paid for by Rick Santorum for President.

Why am I doing this? Because I believe that Rick Santorum's stance on social issues make him an absolutely terrible candidate for national office, or any office. This just isn't about "religious freedom" to oppress women, this is about handing the nuclear launch codes to someone who in his heart believes that women's rights are secondary to his religious beliefs. I have no problem with him believing the way he does, but I have a huge problem if he is advocating *HIS* beliefs on the rest of us. That friends, is not America, nor is it freedom. Religious oppression is still oppression.

And the fact that in 2012 Rick's brand of crazy still has him as a solid challenger to Mitt Romney speaks volumes of how divided this country truly is. There are enough people out there that think that Rick Santorum is a *GOOD* option.

After the neo-conservative experiment/disaster of 2001-2009, I will make it my duty to make sure this level of narrow-minded bigotry does not ever hold a position of power again.